HBS
I suffer from appalling stress
I have a strange condition.
I'm under such extreme duress
Should I see a physician?
Regrettably I've HBS
I'll give the definition:
'Heavy Bottom Syndrome.'
It's a vertical position.
It happens when I'm swimming.
My bum sinks like a stone.
With tears my eyes are brimming
As I flounder all alone.
I do it 'cause I'm slimming.
I'm a little overblown
My waist I've started trimming
There are trousers I've outgrown.
I'm passed by buoyant ladies
Who, like dolphins, glide right by.
I'm suffering in Hades.
It's no wonder that I cry.
Their speed like a Mercedes
And me, although I try
My swimming style I find is
Like a trout caught on a fly.
My nostrils fill with chlorine.
My lungs gasp out in pain.
I really should have foreseen
That the pool's not my domain.
My tendency is submarine.
To surface is a strain.
Sub aquatic, face quite green,
This sport is inhumane
The lenses of my Zoggs aren't dry.
They're salty with my tears.
As hirsute men go sailing by
Venetian gondoliers.
My malady I will defy
Though it may take me years.
A stronger stroke, a kicking thigh
And wax plugs in my ears.
