4 X 4
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I'm going to be a total bore and talk about my 4 x 4
It's silver grey with leather seats. No drinks, no fags, no crisps no sweets
Allowed inside. All food is banned and beverages. You understand
An eastern European guy will wash it clean and rub it dry
The tyres are massive, black and sleek, enough to make your knees go weak
A throaty, throbbing guttural roar comes from the back. Well who needs more?
The engine is a mighty beast. The beating heart is oiled and greased
So friction barely stand a chance. I listen to it in a trance
A gleaming, gorgeous, graceful car that hasn't really travelled far
A thousand on the clock. You see - I've never yet left Leigh-on-Sea
Because I can't reverse the thing and sometimes I will clip the wing
Of some parked cars. I want cry and often I cannot deny
When travelling down these narrow roads some thing inside my head explodes
I've no idea of width or length. I meet head on, oh give me strength,
A car coming the other way. I must put on some great display
Of grand superiority. He'll have to shift his car - not me
He's coming up the steepest hill. I've scraped his radiator grille
I'll wait until the bugger moves. He obviously disapproves
Of cars like mine with style and class. He'll just have to shift his ass
Let him pull that stupid face, I'm not shifting from this place
I couldn't - I don't have the skill or one iota of goodwill
It's been a while. It's getting dark. I can't move forward, back or park
I'm getting hungry, need my tea. I'm also desperate for a wee
I beep my horn to no avail. I hope he's not an alpha male
He could turn nasty; scream and shout. I pray the fellow won't get out
And bang my windscreen, kick my door. I wonder what this knob is for?
Does this small 'r' stand for reverse? The situation can't get worse
The night has past. It's light again and now it's pouring down with rain
No movement from the other chap. I'm quite exhausted. Feeling crap
The hours and hours go slowly by. I've even lost the will to cry
I'll not give way. Oh no, not me. I'm here for all eternity
My situation's quite bizarre. I wish I'd bought a smaller car
My life is fading. Heart is weak. My mouth is dry. I cannot speak
I'm driving through the pearly gates with bright gold, personal number plates
About to enter paradise and leave my car. Won't that be nice?
Who's this coming the other way? He won't move over Oh I say!
This situation can't be true I'm undergoing Déjà vu
Oh not again. No, no not me. I'm here for all eternity
The driver's face is red with rage. His angry mood I quickly gauge
On each temple grows a horn. I wish I never had been born
What is that sulphurous burning smell? I'm stuck forever Bloody Hell!
