They Shall Not Pass
Who designed the Dartford Tunnel
A bottleneck caused by a funnel?
No one with a sense of speed
Did they fail to see the need
To ensure travel's smooth and quick?
The thought of Dartford makes me sick.
The entrance leads to dark despair
With static lorries everywhere
Every day the line snakes back
Like being tortured on the rack
Trapped – this queue is more than slow
Interminable stop and go
Every time trapped in this farce
Looking up a lorry's arse
That's belching diesel in the air.
'Ye who enter here beware'
What's a motorist to do?
Queuing back to the A2
And on a Friday? Oh dear me,
The queue starts back at the M3
You'll not see those three hours again
Pins and needles. Back in pain
And what are we supposed to do
If we are desperate for the loo?
What the cost of fuel and time?
Pollution, spillage, dirt and grime
Stress and anger. Health in danger
Glared at by some fearsome stranger
In that car you've passed again
On his face you see a vein
Protruding from his shaven head
His tattooed neck is ruby red
I think his blood is boiling over
Staring at me from his Rover.
Demonic, evil glaring eyes.
To smile at him would be unwise
Stare straight ahead and lock your doors
His hands look more like grizzly's paws
Why won't this line move on again?
I wish I'd travelled on the train
He's drooling now. His lips are parting
Does he think this queue is starting?
Is he going to leave his car
And bang on mine? I see a scar
Upon his whiskered double chin
My fragile windows look so thin
And then to my complete surprise
Tears fall from his bloodshot eyes
His giant frame is hunched and tight
He's bawling now with all his might
He sobs and shudders, heaves and sighs
He cannot stop although he tries
He knows we're here forever more
He knows it from his very core
We won't get out of here alive
Stuck on the M25
In years to come some alien race
Will look on this depressing place
And ask what tins with bones in means
A human version of sardines?
Canned forever in our cars
They'll travel back to distant stars
And talk of Earth - and humans there,
Of humans trapped in deep despair
Who died whilst waiting in a queue
Their fellows won't believe it's true
They'll tell them we're charged for the right
To sit from morning into night
What a bloody nerve I say
My helicopter's on its way
Intelligent? The human race?
The tunnel's a complete disgrace
