Self-Assembly
It came home in a cardboard box
I had nothing to lose
I opened up the packet -
The plan, the wood and screws
I spread them on the carpet
It didn’t look too hard
I'll follow the instructions
And will not disregard
A single line of writing
I'll get it right first time
Assembling's not that tricky
To bodge would be a crime
It should take thirty minutes
With a screwdriver to hand
I started with a flourish
Things didn't go as planned
The Allen key went missing
I stood upon a screw
I yelled in pain and anguish
What else was there to do?
The morning passed quite quickly
And then the afternoon
Still the damn thing wouldn't fit
And then I saw the moon
Shining through the window
I thought I saw it grin
It's just chair assembly
I think I'll have a gin
And yes I'll have another one
And another - just one more
I've finished - that's the thing complete
I'll stand it on the floor
Oh bugger something's gone quite wrong
I am a stupid clown
Two legs are sticking in the air
And two legs sticking down
It can't have been the alcohol
It can't have been the drink
I'll try again tomorrow
When I've had some time to think
