The Ballad of Jen and Robin
(Writen to celebrate their marriage: August 2016 based on material supplied by them)
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'Twas a strange old day in Somerset. The year two thousand and eight
The weather was fine. The sun was out. The crowds were at the gate
To Worthy Farm the fans all flocked from every compass point
At Glastonbury the air was clear if you hadn't smoked a joint
The music played across the fields. The atmosphere took hold
And Jen was covered in glitter shining silver, gleaming gold
Like some translucent Christmas tree. Her hippie roots were showing
Sparkling in the sunshine. Her hair and eyes were glowing
But who should stroll the other way in cheapest plastic bling?
The lad we know as Robin. Unaware of anything
That might disturb his universe. Would he be the same again?
Who should he meet? A sparkling treat. Why, only little Jen
Was this the start of true romance? Was this the start of love?
It took a while to find this out. They needed quite a shove
From various friends who quite believed they didn't really care
If they remained as singletons or might become a pair
They met at parties, out on trips. Their paths crossed frequently
They even crossed the channel to meet up in gay Paris
And then the moment came at last - their first kiss. Long and slow
At the West's engagement party. Don't ask me how I know
My goodness, how romantic. For then they kissed again
Two years since their eyes first met. The wait had been a pain
Jen had expected him to call. Her waiting seemed so long
Robin said he tried to phone but wrote her number wrong
Then things moved on quite swimmingly. In London they did dwell
In Greenwich and in Fulham and, as far as I can tell
Their dates were quite romantic. Cafés, restaurants and bars
The cinema and theatre. Moonlit strolls under the stars
One date in particular, they both remember well
Was at a place called 'Dans le Noir.' where you need a sense of smell
For you eat in total darkness, the waiters are all blind
You must guess what you are eating. Jen wasn't very kind
For she kept moving Robin's food and cutlery and drink
He was quite bewildered and did not know what to think
They both have in common a real good sense of humour
Their sense of fun is very strange. That isn't just a rumour
They like to cycle, get about, they rode once down to Brighton
On their own, they got quite lost. I really shouldn't frighten
You with tales of how they managed to get stuck inside a field
With a farmer's bull approaching and they both stood unconcealed
With nothing to protect themselves and no means of defence
They lunged through briar and bramble to ascend the farmer's fence
This didn't put them off though. They once cycled over night
To the little town of Dunwich on the Suffolk coast. You might
Think the project crazy but they did it nonetheless
With the usual calamities, the chaos and the stress
It was on the night of Halloween at Lydia's birthday bash
They were asked, 'Are you a couple?' and they didn't think it rash
To take the plunge. Admit defeat. Resign themselves to fate
They nodded in agreement and there wasn't long to wait
Before they did the decent thing and met each family
All could see them so in love and what would be would be
They first lived together in Brixton. With Chris, he's an old uni friend
Of Jen's, They were messy, shambolic. It drove tidy Chris round the bend
He arranges his novels by colour. He wanted his place kept pristine
He requested some neatness and order but really they weren't all that keen
Jen was completing her M.A. Street parties and runs in the dark
A trip to the Lido was mentioned. In the chilly and bleak Brockwell Park.
They went there with their bridesmaid Alice. A quite perky seven degrees
They shivered their way to the poolside but they barely got up to their knees
One length was managed by Robin then he exited straight from the pool
Jen jarred her knee in the shallows and hobbled out feeling a fool
Five minutes later, between them, they'd managed three lengths. That was all
They were groaning and freezing and injured. They really weren't having a ball
Alice was nurse for the morning. She tended them. Made them feel good
The lifeguard looked on in bemusement. I don't think he quite understood
Now Chris had decided to leave them and move in with his beautiful wife
So Robin and Jen had to move on again and change their direction in life
With a budget of limited money a narrow boat seemed quite ideal
When they told all their families about it they responded with 'Are you for real?'
So 'Faithfully Bobbin' was purchased. They were given one afternoon's course.
Told they were fine to take over. Jen asked, 'But where is the horse?'
They use engines and diesel and batteries. The mechanics are basic at best
So they headed off south towards London. This holiday wasn't a rest
They ricocheted down the Grand Union. At times they were beached on the silt
Windows got smashed and they locked themselves out. Cups of tea often got spilt
They would sometimes forget where they'd left it and here's something rather bizarre
They drained one canal of its water by leaving a lock gate ajar
Robin had woken that morning. He said, 'My it's shallow out there'
When a steaming, incensed male official was shouting and pulling his hair
He said that the levels of water were unusually higher upstream
They looked to their feet like bad children. It felt like a terrible dream
Their life on the boat has been cosy. It has taught them just how to get on
How to spend money quite wisely and to know where the bulk of its gone
So Robin bought roller blades shrewdly. They never got used as you'd guess
And Jen bought a smart full length mirror so she could see just how to dress
But Robin spends more time before it. Grooming his long, brunette locks
Jen catches him flexing his muscles in his Calvin Kline undies and socks
Now these next lines I should have included were furnished by Jen. Yes it's true
Regarding their flatulence problems and how they must deal with the loo
But I'll skip over all that she told me. I think you'll agree that is best
Just take it from me their close proximity put their affair to the test
Kept warm by their iron clad Aga. They'd snuggle up cosy and calm
But at three in the morning without any warning came the carbon monoxide alarm.
They stuck their tired heads through the portholes. To get some respite from the din
But with ducks in their faces, they both knew their places and immediately pulled them back in
Now regarding their health and their safety. You'd feel this would give pause to think
But Robin is wild and like some reckless child, four times ended up in the drink
He thought it would be good, I suppose that you would, to sink like some poor drowning fellar
Because there was need, to remove tangled weed, from the blades of their old brass propeller
He manfully dived and, thank goodness survived, into dark, slimy, freezing cold water
To remove the obstruction 'neath Jen's keen instruction. Goodness knows what this rash act has taught her
There was never a need to dive for the weed for a weed hatch was built in the rear
This enabled removal and got their approval. They could clear any clog without fear
But his exploits were many and pound to a penny you can bet that he dived in again
To retrieve a lost phone and a jacket, 'It's flown from the roof!' Jen heard Robin exclaim
Now in moonlight duck weed, when you walk at full speed, looks remarkably similar to grass
But it won't bear your weight and it's true to relate that Robin was soaked head to toe!!
Now alas and alack they are pretty laid back but some on-going feuds have ensued
Like the great roof debate where they argued 'til late and used phrases that were rather rude
Should the roof be the spot, when the weather gets hot, to picnic with friends and relations
Or maybe it should just be used to store wood. This debate caused them many frustrations
We now know that both, having plighted their troth, will be travelling further afield
They are Canada bound and will travel around, but we hope they will keep their eyes peeled
For signs and directions at road intersections unlike a journey to France
Where both bound for Chatel found their journey was hell as it turned into a right song and dance
The place isn't far when you drive in your car - you stick to the French motorway
The roads are divine and avoid drinking wine and you'll get there in just half a day
But Robin and Jen, well - disaster again they tried it a different way
They had ploughed on for hours through sunshine and showers their trip was in full disarray
Avoid roads with tolls, the poor helpless souls, had set their old sat nav like this
Through Belgium they went and not quite reaching Ghent they knew that something was amiss
Then through Luxembourg passed and Switzerland last they thought it a journey from hell
They climbed out of their car having travelled so far when they finally arrived at Chatel
The snow was appealing - and wine helped their healing - as both of them donned downhill skis
It was not a disaster and Robin was faster gliding down slopes with great ease
But Jen won't be beaten and she'll turn the heat on when off to Vancouver they go
Like Grand National jockeys, they'll fly down the Rockies carving their tracks in the snow
Now Robin's a sport of the physical sort he bravely took on the Tough mudder
With freezing cold plunges, squat thrusts and lunges just the thought of the thing makes me shudder
At Kiliman - jaro his climb, as we all know, reflected his will to compete
He did really well and as you've heard tell he ached from his head to his feet
Whilst in Tanzania eeer, poor Robin felt queer, for he had got lost on the peak
Jen panicked at home - he'd no functional phone with no way to text or to speak
His colleagues and friends were at their wits ends as they sent many texts sounding scary
As Jen read them again she felt she'd go insane for each read like an obituary
And Jen is the same always up for a game such as rugby or boxing you see
Like a butterfly dances, she leaps and she prances, her right hook can sting like a bee
One bout she completed - she remains undefeated - her opponent? - she had a close shave
For we know her fighting is truly quite frightening - so Robin you'd better behave
Now what follows is true - Jen once failed to renew her own passport - it just is her way
Non refundable trip - she could feel her heart skip. At home the poor girl had to stay
They're adventurous geeks and completed three peaks with some friends. They're a fit little pair
They have travelled quite far, using cycles and car and flown quite a lot in the air
They have been far and wide - taken many a ride in stormy and inclement weather
Through France, Italy and in Hungary they spent many sweet days together
And they've been as far --- as South Africa they were finding big game in the bush
Don't be perplexed - for it's India next they may well see the famed Hindu Kush
The Great Barrier Reef will bring some relief as this tale now is nearing its end
There can't be much more and I don't want bore. On the beer tent we need to descend
So, hooray and hoorah in Australiaa Robin got down on one knee
It was humid and warm, they'd survived quite a storm and for three hours had fought with the sea
Imagine the scene, they were both rather green, and Robin insisted on walking
Jen tried to be nice, said she'd walk - for an ice - but he had to do all the talking
Over fences and rocks, some sharp splinters and shocks, the harbour then came into view
He proposed, she said yes, and as you'd all rightly guess They swore that they both would be true
What a night lay ahead! As they headed for bed for the newly engaged happy lovers
But their happiness halted, reality jolted - they were sharing a room with six others
Now you've all had enough - here's the serious stuff. Our love to the couple we're sending
What adventures to come. We may join them is some. Let us hope they have joy never ending
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